Mindfulness with Courtney Handley | The Powerful Women Project.
E3. The Powerful Women Project, Courtney Handley.
My beautiful friend @courtneyhandley_ is my third guest on The Powerful Women Project.
She speaks openly about mental health and her personal struggles. The good, the bad and the ugly that is so often left unspoken. Courtney is an inspiring example to so many young people and the voice we all need.
As someone who has seen the downward slope of mental health deteriorate my sibling, I hold this feature so close to my heart.
I hope you can all take at least one thing from this blog.
Please don’t ever hesitate to ask for help...
What is the importance of mental health to you?
Mental health, at all ages, is one of the most important parts of our lives. It impacts everything. Sleep, thoughts, goals, relationships with ourselves and others, psychical wellbeing and behaviours good + bad. Understanding and maintaining your mental health is so crucial to a healthy happy life. At every point of our day, mental health (our own or someone else's) is all around us. It impacts how you react to bad news, how you treat a stranger (they might be struggling), how you support a loved one, and how you maintain relationships. It affects all of your behaviour whether you’re aware of it or not. It is important to look after your mind because it literally affects everything you say, think and do.
Do you have any routine practises in place for your ‘off’ days?
Not so much a routine but more of a list. I wrote in a journal last year two full pages of things that make me feel truly happy and at peace. Some things are small and silly like ‘holding Russells hand’ or ‘drinking a glass of wine’ or ‘cuddling with my cat Luna’ and others are more strategic to helping my mental health during a bad day.
Things like:
- Writing down my emotions and feelings so I can understand them
- Allowing myself to completely feel it all and telling myself it is okay to feel sad or ‘off’ and just do absolutely nothing. Rest is SO important.
- Express my creativity. Being creative makes me feel good so I am often writing, painting, taking photos and videos, journaling little poems or making new Spotify playlists for different moods.
P.s. you don’t have to be good at something in order for it to bring you happiness! I only learnt this recently and it changed my perspective on the small hobbies I have that I love and now I feel much more free and less critical of myself.
- I love making a ‘sanctuary' in my lounge or bedroom. I make a giant comfy haven with my cosiest blankets and pillows + my favourite snacks and drinks, I shower and do a hair mask + face mask so I feel somewhat productive and then I put on comfy clothes, light a favourite candle, order takeout and binge tv shows or movies I love (friends and the office, 90s rom coms and harry potter are my go to).
- Spending time and talking with a loved one I trust (or therapist if I am currently with one).
- Cry it out! Crying always helps me, especially during panic attacks or high anxiety moments. It’s a huge relief to just let go and let it all come out.
- Take time to appreciate the little things. Often when I am really down I like to be extra mindful of what I am grateful for in my life, it really helps to make me feel better.
- Help someone. I love smiling at strangers and having them smile back. Knowing that you bought a little ray of sunshine to someone's day means the world to me. Helping someone even in the smallest of ways always brings joy and happiness to my heart and helps get me out of my head - the world is a harsh place and knowing you contribute to the good parts is helpful in cheering yourself up.
- Sleep! You need your beauty sleep.
What makes you feel alive?
Nature! Mountains, fresh air, the ocean, waterfalls, sunsets, the night sky, rain on my skin, walking on sand, picking flowers, laying on grass…the list goes on and on. Also being with loved ones. Making memories with people I love makes me feel alive and I feel so happy and present when I am with them.
What do you wish young men and women knew more about mental health?
Everyone at some point in their life will eventually battle with themselves and their mind. It never looks the same from person to person. You need to understand mental health (specifically yours) so that you can truly know yourself and your emotions so that you can tackle hard times as best as possible. Stress, grief, trauma, anger…it brings out the worst in people and quite often it will bring out parts of someone they never knew they had. Being able to control your thoughts and reactions will not only save yourself from pain and hurt, but also those around you. It doesn’t matter if someone has it worse than you, your mental health is so important. It is more common than you think and it is okay to have any struggle big or small with mental health. There are unlimited amazing tools online and in the world for you to access to learn more. Learning about mental health will help you support yourself and loved ones. It is unique to you and you are deserving of all the love and support you need / want. Help is always, always, always available. If you or someone you know ever needs help please visit https://mentalhealth.org.nz/helplines and let someone hold your hand and asking for help is a huge sign of strength! It will be okay. Therapy is okay, taking medication is okay, relapsing or taking five steps back is okay. Healing is not linear and can sometimes take a lifetime so always be kind to each other because the battles can be long and hard and even if someone is always smiling or laughing, please do not assume they are okay. Your love, understanding and support can and will change a life.
What does an average day in your life look like?
I work from home full time so a day in my life during the week consists of waking up and hanging out with Russ before work. I usually exercise, listen to music or podcasts, shower and do my skin care, drink a giant glass of water, check emails and catch up on social media before starting my day (honestly some days I sleep in and barely wake up on time *balance*). I go on walks throughout the day and spend lots of time with Russ in our garden to get sunshine and have small moments to unwind. After work we usually have a drink together and make dinner (I love cooking) then we watch our favourite shows or play games and wind down for the night. Super boring but it’s simple and peaceful and I love it.
What inspires you the most?
Nature and my fiancé Russ (cheesy but true).
Nature inspires me in more ways than I can explain. It helps me find peace within myself especially during times my mental health is bad. A clear night sky gives me clarity, sunsets bring excitement, quiet early mornings encourage me to rest and slow down. I love watching nature and how it reacts and adapts to harsh changes. We have so much to learn from all parts of nature. I am constantly inspired by the colours, the sounds, the movement. It’s just incredible I can’t get enough or learn enough about all aspects of nature.
Russ inspires me because he is genuinely one of the greatest people I have ever met. He has taught me so much about life. He is patient, understanding, supportive, kind, open minded, intelligent, gentle, funny, he loves helping people and animals, he is driven and motivated and when he learnt about my mental health struggles when we met he did nothing but show me unconditional support, love and strength. He has stood beside me and held my hand through hundreds of panic attacks, multiple horrible hospital visits, countless therapists appointments, psychiatrist visits, days and weeks of me being bed ridden and so much more. He gave me a second chance at life and I make sure everyday he knows how amazing and loved he is.
Where do you hope to see yourself in two years time?
Hard to say but I hope wherever I am or whatever I am doing, I am healthy and happy.
If you could give any advice to someone struggling with keeping on top of their mental health, what would it be?
Write down what you are feeling, thinking and going through. Then write down a list of things that relax you / make you feel happy + what you currently appreciate in your life. Try and identify what tools help you the best. Write these tools down and go back to them when you need them. Tools like using a weighted blanket, exercising, breathing techniques, stretching, hugging a loved one, asking for help, therapy, practising mindfulness, getting fresh air, sleeping and taking a break from social media / only consume social media that feeds you in a positive way. Reach out to someone or a few people you trust and explain to them what you go through. Help them understand how to help you during times when your struggles are difficult so that they can be there for you. I know it’s hard to open up but you do not have to carry this weight alone. Your loved ones want to help you and you will never ever be a burden. Make sure even on your worst days to achieve at least one small thing. This could be changing your clothes, brushing your teeth, replying to one text, reading one page of a book, eating a meal. You are braver and stronger than you think.